Me and my boyfriend got on a topic yesterday that got me thinking. We were discussing how we enjoy kinks sexually, but also non-sexually. For me, a lot of times it's non-sexually. I proposed a question, is something still a kink if enjoyed non-sexually sometimes? Or all the time? I don't really know the answer to such a question, but I want to speculate some here. It did also get me thinking about how I do enjoy a lot of my kinks in non-sexual ways.

I don't really use labels for myself, but I believe I might fall under the "asexual" spectrum. I do enjoy fantasizing sexual scenarios sometimes, but a lot of my fantasies don't involve sex. Sometimes they don't even involve horniness at all, but do involve things most would label as kink or fetish. A good example would be ABDL. A lot of my fantasies with it are wholesome, in fact I'd say a majority of them are. It's something I take great interest and comfort in. Sometimes I do like to engage with it in a more adult manner. I remember asking him, "If enjoyed non-sexually would it be just an interest then? What defines a kink/fetish?".

Technically, anything could be considered an interest. As such, anything can also be a kink or fetish for someone. Does that make every interest a kink/fetish or every kink/fetish an interest? I don't think so. It's a very complex thing. People are so quick to label "abnormal interests" as something sexually charged. I think in same cases, this may be true. But, I think interests in the abnormal can spawn from non-sexual reasons as well. These interests may satisfy a certain part of ourself outside of sexual gratification.

Of course, labeling anything that satisfies one of our needs as a kink/fetish wouldn't apply all the time either. It truly is such a complex thing to think about. While I do enjoy ABDL a lot for non-sexual reasons, I would still label it as a fetish of mine. Mostly because I still do enjoy and engage with the adult aspects of it. But, I also would call it a general interest of mine, because I enjoy it outside of sexual gratification. It helps satisify a side of me that wishes to go back to my childhood. It helps me relax and calm down after a hard day. To be cared for by someone and have all my needs met without a worry in the world.

I think what defines whether something is a kink/fetish or not for someone depends on the person. Depends on whether they label it as such. The brain is such a complex thing, and our human concepts are very limited. Our language is so limited compared to the complex workings of our mind. The way we may enjoy something has so many layers to it that we may never be able to fully describe.

You may quick to assume someone's strange interest in, let's say diapers is a fetish. And, you might just be right a lot of the time! But, when you encounter asexuals in the kink/fetish community or heck, someone who just has a non-sexual interest in diapers it really makes you think deeply about these things. We're a body run on a piece of meat that runs on electricity, of course we're not going to fit into linear definitions. People are strange, and we develop strange interests in things, sexual or otherwise. Something about diapers or whatever else just clicks something in people's heads. And we're drawn to such things, for a million and one or other reasons.